To celebrate my 35th birthday (which is today – one of the only thing I celebrate “day of” due to impending gifts and drinkage – Christmas and Happy Hours are the others) I will impart upon you the 35 things that make Eventualism eventu-awesome.*

*Feel free to read this later – eventually even – so that you can send tidings my way.

1. Eventualism gives you the instant cred required to buy or rent-to-own a La-Z-Boy.
2. The best Transformers either take forever to transform in their toy version  (i.e. Omega Supreme, the merging any team of Autobots or Decepticons) or take forever to make out in their movie version.
3. Gives you license to surf for Megan Fox pictures ad infinitum.
4. Allows you to appreciate the opening at at any concert.
5. Requires the patience to watch television shows until you finally “get it” (i.e. Twin Peaks, Lost, Golden Girls).
6. Eventualists will stay with “How I Met Your Mother” until the mother is met.
7. Understands fame for what it is. Fleeting and forever.
8. Tirelessly tries to champion both 8 Days A Week and The 4 Hour Work Week, all for different and increasingly confusing reasons.
9. David Allen seems to like it.
10. Allows me to write whenever I feel like it.
11. Allows me to think I can pay bills whenever I feel like it.
12. Insists you have a Heine-keg in your fridge at all times.  With a backup.
13. Eventualists “get” that a sideway “8” may mean infinity, but a sideways “3” means either boobs or bum – and you must eventually choose one or the other depending on circumstance.
14. It doesn’t judge. It pontificates.
15. Reduces swearing to what it really is: a power grab. Prefers toned-down curses like “dang” and “frick.”
16. Realizes that man is a dog’s best friend.
17. Knew that Twitter would make it one day. Knew that Pownce wouldn’t…until it’s relaunch as a dating site for divorceés in search of college guys.
18. Ensures you keep your high school yearbook to eventually show off or burn.
19. Ensures you keep your Facebook page to eventually show off or burn.
20. Will concede a bit of latitude when it comes to computers.  Sorry, Microsoft…even Eventualism has its limits.
21. Agrees that while sow and steady wins the race, races suck and should be avoided unless they are really long and don’t involve Kenyans.
22. Understands that #followfriday will often fall on a Saturday.
23. It transcends Gradualism, hands-down.
24. It is concerned about the well-being of others, but only after they have waited long enough for care that the word “eventually” is used to describe the wait.
25. Knows that this number is a long time to be married – and now you are eventually never going to divorce. Unless you’re my parents, which you’re not.
26. It is the line of thinking your parents have/had when you ask for the car for the first and every time.
27. This is how long my folks were married for, I think.  I was pretty young when they broke up. Seems like only 15 years ago.
28. Sorry about that last one, folks. And this one explaining my last one and apologizing for it. I’ll be okay.  Eventually.  (Hey…)
29. Allows you to take an incredibly long time to get over your parents divorce. (Nice.)
30. It is the patron ideology of crop farmers, like those guys who grow corn and coffee.
31. It is the patron ideology of “crap” farmers, like those guys who grow corn and pundits.
32. It guides the Cincinnati Bengals through bad times and bad.
33. Understands the meaning of the word “maybe.” (It’s like “perhaps”, right?)
34. Appreciates the mediocrity of a job half-assed.
35. It concedes that if your pen runs out of ink, you were never meant to write it down.

(Admittedly, #35 happened to me shortly after starting this entry, but #34 allowed me to post this regardless.)

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It’s been a week since the passing of The King of Pop (I’d say “self-proclaimed” but since it goes without saying, I won’t) and he has and will continue to maintain a strong presence in the media. He has long been under the watchful eye of journalists everywhere, and in death that holds true just as much, if not more so. Looks like he’ll never get his wish of being left alone.

That may be the only thing that never eventually happens when it comes to this cultural icon. You see, everything about him was eventual in some form or another. Whether it was his music, lifestyle or change in skin pigmentation – he did things in his own way and in his own time. As a budding Eventualist, you have to admire that. As an expert Eventualist, I praise it. Let’s take a look at some of the most eventual things The Man In The Mirror did during his half-century of life:

1. The Music

Starting at the ripe old age of 9, Michael took his sweet time sharing his talent with the world. If only his father had pushed him harder; we may have been privy to him when we was a toddler – or perhaps in the womb. Nevertheless, once he got started he still wanted to be starting something. In fact, the lyrics in that very song indicate his propensity to start things constantly. I cannot think of a song where he sang “I said you wanna be end’ somethin’, you got to be endin’ somethin’.” Mind you, I stopped watching him after the crotch-grab sequence in “Black or White” so I may have missed out.

With his breakout album, “Thriller” (which sold quite a few copies), he had every song that he could have released as a single. The video for the title cut lasted as long as the helicopter sequence that was filmed for Twilight Zone: The Movie (which, coincidentally, was also directed by John Landis) – or at least the fallout from it. No matter how you look at it from my point of view, this is the second most eventual album of the modern era starting in the 1970’s. Only The Wall is more so…and maybe one of the Uriah Heep albums. I’m not saying which one.

The music of this legend will never go away – it is already considered revolutionary so much so that MJ bought the rights to The Beatles’ “Revolution” to celebrate his own music (since it was a package deal, he ended up with all of The Beatles’ catalog and the wrath of Paul McCartney as a bonus). He will go down in HIStory as one of the very few musical icons who lived beyond their music, much like Beethoven, Mozart, Elvis Presley, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Kurt Cobain and Biz Markie.

2. The Man

Some would say he was a man among boys in the music industry, but I would never say that. As for MJ the “man” – he wasn’t above fighting for a girl (“The Girl Is Mine” with his nemesis Paul McCartney), being naughty (“Bad”, “Smooth Criminal” or “Free The World”) or shocking people with a statement (“State Of Shock”). He was a family man, having been married (at least twice), having kids and generously sharing the spotlight with his brothers (for which Tito is forever grateful). He loved playing dress-up, even encouraging his kids to join in. While he enjoyed the occasional thrill (which he sang about), he also was enthralled when children enjoyed his theme park or simply were dangled off of balconies. He was an animal-lover, having been one (“Thriller” again), owning a couple (Bubbles the primate s a primate example) and studying them (having some elephant’s bones for a spell).
MJ liked his privacy as well, as illustrated by his low-key nature. His undoing in this regard may have been his attempt at disguising himself in the same manner that the Wayans’ brothers attempted in “White Chicks,” in that believing that past commercial successes would hide later disappointments.

But most importantly, he made the long and eventual career of Al Yankovic what it is today. As a result, virtually every popular song in the world will eventually be parodied.

Incidentally, as I write this I realize another thing that isn’t eventual about Michael Jackson. He won’t eventually be missed; he already is.

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Coast Hotels did something real grand

Bringing bloggers over from the mainland

They had a great time

Their trip was sublime

BTW @coasthotels, I’ll promote your brand!

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There once was a game so revered

It caused its players to unite via beard

The Penguins and the Wings

Play for Stanley Cup rings

While I watch just to be overly “beered.”

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As one would expect, upon my return from vacation I jumped right back into work, fresh as a dandelion.  That meant a lot of eventualizing…so rather than boast about my own accomplishments, I’ve decided to pass on my valuable love to some sites that I feel either you should visit because they will help you do what I’ve done in efforted earnest this week, or simply need to see so that you can study the enemy even closer (as someone who went to Catholic school I learned about all other religions, so it’s only fair I do the same for productivity here).

So here now eventually, are some “happening https.”

43Folders

1889.ca

The Procrastinator

Addicting Game

Paul & Storm

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