This article first made an appearance in March 2009. It returns with an eventual vengeance in 2010 because it was popular…and I’ve already started drinking and, er, drinking. Cheers!
St. Patrick’s Day is a particularly fine day for as far as EffTDing goes, and the two days to follow are often even more blissful – if you discount the incredible headache and the excruciating gut rot. This tremendously awesome holiday figures into the group of holidays that Eventualists have dubbed The Infinite Three.
The Infinite Three are a particular set of days that can go on forever, making them the best days that EffTDers have in a calendar year. These days carry on for one reason or another, some due to the incredible amount of lead-up time they often entail, and others because of the propensity to drink during them. To be fair, all of these days actually fulfill that.
Here’s a little about those holidays that make up The Infinite Three:
1. St. Patrick’s Day. This holiday was named after the man who created alcohol, Patrick Devine. He was a potato farmer, who used to tinker with various liquids while waiting for his crop to grow year after year. Fortunately (or sadly – depending on your point of view), he never realized his farming years were during a dry spell in potato growth. One particular year, way before I was born, he created a concoction that tasted so delicious and made time seem so incredibly eventual, that he desperately tried to remember its contents and wrote them down in a binder. The recipe turned out to be one for mead (which is how the well-known binder company got their name). He carried on with this, creating such wonderful libations such as wine, ale, port (which was the result of a lack of proper “first-in, first-out” policy in his garage), whiskey and, regrettably, ice wine. He, contrary to popular belief did not invent moonshine – that was done by the great Jesse Duke from Hazzard County, Georgia. Unlike Patrick Devine (dubbed St. Patrick rather than St. Devine because it would’ve gotten him into too many bar fights), Jesse is yet to be sainted.
2. Hanukkah. It lasts for eight days!
3. Your country’s national holiday. Be it Canada Day, Independence Day (which I’m usually still “celebrating” Canada Day during) or your home and native land’s nationally recognized date of birth, everyone has a reason to do something. And the results are often lasting. Whether it be meditating on a hammock, drinking until your face actually comes off (we still talk about Owen Brunskill….awesome and gross all at the same time) or inciting a prolonged coup, this day can be as long or as short as you want it to be. Just make it count. After all, your forefathers did. And probably your foremothers, too.
Honorable mention (if only that it gives new Eventualists an opportunity) to EffTD more often with purpose):
1. Valentine’s Day. But only if you’re single. Lamenting is a tremendous reflective tool for an EffTDer. If you’re not single, or even married, you want this day to be long if you’re happy in said relationship, or incredibly short if you’re not. My wife tells me I’m happy, so I’m the former.
2. December 20 through January 6. Unless you want to give Hanukkah a go, this is your next best option. If your company Christmas party falls earlier than the aforementioned date, consider the date of said party your official starting point.
3. Lent. Try it even if it’s not your religious bag, baby. But don’t give up something – that’s such a cop-out. Do something instead. As an example, this year I decided to take up geometry. I now have an acute case of isosceles – and I’m more obtuse than ever!
Holidays that most definitely DO NOT fit the mold of Eventual holidays are:
1. The first day of summer. The shortest day of the year, and actually not a holiday.
2. Halloween. It’s freaking scary. It needs to be over with as soon as possible. That being said, it is one of the longer holidays to spell, especially when you include the apostrophe or call it All Hallows’ Eve.
On a similar note, if you’re reading this on March 20th then today is World Storytelling Day. So if someone has read this post to you, congratulations – you’re done celebrating!
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